THE EXPEDITION TO THE LOST LAND

Princess Alexandra refused to lead a path of domesticity. Instead she led the life of a warrior, not unknown among Viking women but still unusual. She was not alone among her contemporaries for by her side stood Red Sonya. Red Sonya was of uncertain parentage, although it is often claimed she was of royal blood. It is said she was raised by wolves, or at least people of a mysterious wolf cult. In any case her swordsmanship was legendary. They made a fine pair, the princess with her fine blonde hair, high cheek bones and sky blue eyes, and Sonya with her long red hair, green eyes and flashing white smile. Both of them were highly skilled warriors. Even Alexandra's father, King Haggard , also known as Haggard Green Tooth, had to admit that his daughter and her friend were the equals of any man.

It was lust for adventure, and not a little greed which drove the pair to launch their second expedition to the Lost Land. King Haggard had spared nothing in providing his daughter with the best and fastest dragon ship. Stories of instant fortunes meant there was no shortage of Viking warriors to join the pair.

For six weeks the long ship was alternately becalmed or tossed like a toy by mighty waves and blown by powerful winds. Once the Vikings narrowly avoided being sucked into an immense whirlpool. Another time a giant sea serpent was driven off by the archers who shot their arrows into its eye. Finally they sighted the red mists of the Lost Land and passed through them.

The black sand beach was quiet enough but in the distance were strange statues and buildings. The bulk of the Vikings headed along a track towards some enormous statues and a dark wood. One Viking, Fat Friedrich Findlayson detoured to investigate a black temple or tomb. Friedrich was of mixed Anglo Saxon and Swedish parentage but the other Vikings respected him as a warrior. Despite his substantial paunch Friedrich's six foot, five inch frame was etched with muscles of steel.

The other Vikings were brave enough, against mortal men and even against monstrous creatures of substance but the Black Temple filled them with superstitious dread. Only Friedrich feared vitually nothing, although that may have been because he was not too bright, and of that Prince Alexandra was glad, for she did not want to risk more men than necessary. (There were whispers, however, that if she wanted to know so much about what was in that temple she should enter herself).

The temple,or tomb, was layered and tapering and utterly black. Strangely Friedrich had no trouble in pushing open the stone door. It took some minutes for Friedrich's eyes to adjust to the dim light but then he perceived the reflected light from a large green jewel. The next thing he saw caused even Friedrich to gasp; three coffins with lids ajar were by his feet. The contents were even more disconcerting. The flesh of the occupants was still intact. Of the three one of the bodies was corrupted, green and smelt of rotting meat. The other two lacked colour, it is true, but the skin was supple and smoothe, even if the faces were incredibly ugly. The noses were beaky and the pointy, middle, upper teeth protruded. The eye sockets were deep and in these places alone was the skin dark, but there was little doubt that the eyes still existed behind those murky lids. Friedrich could also see that the bodies were clad in a dark mail that covered the entire torsos and arms.

Friedrich had heard of such corpses that do not sleep, that come out at night to feed on mortal men. There was one solution; they had to be decapitated. "Give me strength great Odin", he prayed as he hefted his axe, Brainbiter, and aimed for the first cadaver. He had not raised his axe past his belly when the eyes of the body suddenly flew open. The eyes were red and hateful. A wicked smile appeared on the pale face but Friedrich did not have time to notice anything other than a sudden flash of the two red orbs before the vampire was upon him, seeking his neck and swiftly draining his blood.

The other Vikings heard Friedrich's yell and the accompanying piercing unworldly shriek. The Vikings knew then that nothing could be done to save Friedrich. They also knew that the creature in the tomb could kill many of them before they could wound it. They decided to investigate the house of the dead no further.

Alexandra and Sonya consoled their men with the stories of immense treasure hordes that existed in the ruin of the Fat Head statue. Even so, many of the warriors were ashamed that they had not raced to the Black Temple to help Friedrich.

A huge beast as tall as four men and nearly as long as their ship grazed in the distance. It looked like a cross between a lizard, an ox and a horse. It raised its head and snorted as loudly as Odin's stallion but then returned to its meal. The Vikings decided not to view it at close quarters.

The statue was as big as a house and did indeed depict a single immense round head with a face set in a permanent scowl. Two Vikings, Hamlet and Olgie were directed to enter the adjacent ruin. Bright red and blue murals of strange priests and blood sacrifice leered down at them. Some large stones fell from the walls but the warriors moved aside. The fallen rock revealed a large chest full of diamonds and rubies. Suddenly a green gas rose from gaps in the tiled floor and the men felt groggy. They staggered with the chest and dragged it clear of the crumbling ruin just before they fell to the ground, asleep.

Red Sonya quickly revived the drugged Vikings with several hard kicks to their buttocks.

'You good for nothing sacks of meat, this is no time to sleep', she taunted, in her good natured way. They were then left with some other warriors to guard the treasure. Another Northman was ordered into the Dark Woods to locate the source of an eerie light. It was there that Olaf found a glowing crystal box. Eagerly he opened the apparent treasure. A high pitched humming came from the vessel and then a red mist. The mist surrounded Olaf and transformed into red and black figures. As they took form Olaf could  see the red skin, pointy ears, sharp teeth glowing yellow and green eyes of the demons. there were six and they hissed menacingly, their forked blue tongues flickering in and out of their salivating mouths.

"Greeting man creature, we are hungry for your fear and famished for your flesh'. Then, with a clattering of their leathery bat wings they sprung at Olaf. Olaf was a head bigger then them but his two handed axe was no match for the demons' speed, agility and unnatural strength. In a few seconds it was over. Olaf was no longer a head taller than the demons for his head lay on the ground some distance from Olaf's body.

At the edge of the forest the Vikings shuddered as they heard the demons high pitched screams. A few moved towards the forest but Princess Alexandra ordered them back. 'Wait, I have ways of dealing with such as these'.  Even Red Sonya scowled at this. Could her friend be under an enchantment? Some of the other Vikings whispered about their leader's lack of action. 

At that moment the princess produced a golden orb from her waist belt. She yelled an incantation towards the forest and the globe flashed a beam of yellow light towards the hidden demons. The demons squealed again, but this time in anger and astonishment as their earthly bodies disintegrated. Alexandra was then glad that she had rescued an enchanter from execution by her uncle, Hanson Troll Killer. Her motives had not been purely those of kindness; she expected and got her measure of gratitude from the wizard.

The orb was used successfully a second time but only after the death of another lone Viking. A second chest of treasure was also discovered. At this point the band should have retraced their steps but its leaders were greedy for more and continued on. New terrors awaited and darkness was only a few hours away. Some Viking scouts investigated another forest and discovered a pile of precious stones, this time guarded by a dozing two headed giant. They backtracked as quietly as they could and reported back to Princess Alexandra. She decided that tangling with a giant was not worth the reward and the band paused uncertainly as she pondered their next move.

Gozbot was unsure if he had dreamed the scent of little ones or if they were real but he awoke to sniff the air and lick his lips. Perhaps, dear reader, I should say 'they' awoke for Gozbot had two brains for his two heads. As if to show some individuality one head was shaved except for a top knot whilst the other had hair to the shoulders. The two heads conversed briefly and then followed their noses. On seeing the band of Vikings Ozbot grunted appreciatively and charged. The Vikings turned to meet the charge of the fifteen foot giant. There were bigger giants, they had heard, but this one would still provided them with plenty to think about. There was scarcely time to link Shields.

Jumping on humans was great fun, agreed Ozbot's two heads, especially when they sloshed around the toes. Two Vikings fell under huge feet, their shields splintered and their bodies pulped. The Vikings fought back with swords but the giant's long arms brushed them aside.
Princess Alexandra and Red Sonya ran to the giant's sides and swung at its legs with their swords. Thankfully they managed to wound the giant twice. It staggered but then righted itself. Suddenly the two heads bellowed, deafening and stunning the astonished Vikings. Then the Northmen charged back and surrounded it. They managed to wound it again but then the giant swung its club. Six Vikings spun out of view.

The Vikings recoiled but Princess Aexandra waved her sword and urged her warriors back to the fight. "We've almost killed the fiend. Don't give up".
" That's right. Give up now and tomorrow we'll just be so much giant's faeces! "added Red Sonya helpfully.
That was something to think about. There was little chance of escape from those long legs and arms and the Vikings pressed forwards with new vigour. Six sword arms swung at the giant's legs, finally hamstringing it. As its legs crumpled the the Amazons drove their swords into its guts, withdrawing their swords quickly before the giant fell on them.

Meanwhile a large band of Vikings under Eric Rammussen gave up its forward march to a weird lion statue and headed back to the sound of battle. It was now dark and the warriors arrived too late to help but combined with their leader's men to head up the road back towards the river. Their was little moonlight but the sandy track made movement easier.

Others had heard the noise of battle. A horde of orks emerged from a cave and listened. The winds were strong and it was difficult to pinpoint the direction of the sounds. The orks knew the giant and had an understanding with it. Every week they gave it a basket of snotlings and this usually kept it happy. They decided they had probably heard the giant feasting on a herd of deer, so they went back to their cave and their hidden treasures that their grandfathers had once stolen from the dwarves.
The other part of the Viking force had been making slow progress carrying the two heavy chests of treasure. They had just got over the ricketty river bridge when the sky filled with bats and wolves howled. The Vikings shivered, but it was not from cold. They were passing the black tomb, but this time at night! Some of them thought they saw movement near the tomb. Six archers took up position in the rocks alongside the road. Two ranks of tall Vikings with twohanded great axes took position.

The two vampire counts were enraged at the memory of the desecration of their tomb but they were also hungry for blood. They charged towards the interlopers. The archers took aim and fired. Although it was dark the vampires were almost upon them and they could see their blue-white faces above their dark armour. One arrow manged to wound a vampire but the creature ripped the arrow from its arm which healed instantly. Would the vampires attack the archers or the axemen? Actually, neither occured. The vampires vanished.

The Vikings cautiously moved further up the road but stopped to position themselves for a fresh assault. The ship was in sight but noone was keen to venture that far. Some thought they could perceive a lightening of the darkness. Maybe they should await daylight.

Suddenly there was a flash of movement and the vampires were upon the Vikings guarding the treasure. The Vikings raised their shields but the black, glowing, vampire swords cut through wood, leather, metal and flesh of two Vikings. Then dawn came.

The vampires raised their hideous shields to cover their hideous faces. It was a gesture too late for the sunlight had already saught and found their blue-white skin; it sizzled. The other Vikings edged closer, curious to see what would happen. The vampires glared at them and hissed. Then, one evil face suddenly looked terrified and tortured. The other looked relieved and some said they saw a slight smile on its face. Whatever they thought, the Vikings would never know. The vampires disintegrated, leaving only ash. The Vikings, Dansing and Seldon collected the armour despite the protests from some other Vikings who feared a curse. Dansing and Seldon just admired the workmanship of the armour and thought they would be protected from all sword cuts.

Princess Alexandra and Red Sonya could see the rest of the Vikings in the distance. They hurried their men forward, fearful lest some of their men, through fear or treachery might leave them behind. They crossed the rickety bridge in time to hail their fellow warriors.

Of a force of sixty Vikings twelve had died, horribly, but such was a Viking's lot. The deceased would be feasting in Valhalla tonight. And Red Sonya and Princess Alexandra had renewed their reputation as skilled and fearsome warriors.