'When nobody else at the party collects toy soldiers.'

 

Someone shared this with me a while back, maybe my friend Tony.

I wonder if anyone else, reading this, had that experience. 

I am 64 and by that age I have learnt to not worry too much about people thinking negatively about my hobby, or anything else.  In fact, I like to see it as a social experiment. I like to gauge people's reactions. What I find is that a lot of people actually express interest. I mean, it would not be surprising if people had heard of or seen people collecting or playing with toy soldiers. Many will mention Warhammer, an immensely popular and entrenched system of figures and gaming which captures the imaginations of both youngsters and adults. A few decades ago, people would have mentioned the character and TV show 'Callan', with his wargaming table and figures.

  As a teenager, I kept my toy soldiers, some in a box under the bed and others in a display shelf. But I adopted the term 'model soldiers' to distinguish kids' playthings from an 'adult' hobby. In fact, not all my collection were 'models'. My Timpo, Lone Star and Crescent were 'toys.' The Airfix kit figures and one-piece Afrika Corps and 8th Army were painted by me, and they were 'models'.

Later I stopped distinguishing as the line between model and toy is a blurred one. I can take the cheapest 'crap' Chinese 'cheapo' and make it into something special. In any case, many of us have a fondness for cruder toy soldiers because we have come to appreciate both their variation and their charm.

Of course, I also play with them, and I relay this with people with a kind of perverse pride. (Maybe there should be 'Toy Soldier Pride' marches and sports coverage of wargames on the news).

Anyhow, getting back to people's reactions: When I was in my mid-twenties I went on a blind date with a woman, a stripper it turned out. She had her own strange afflictions. She would buy or prepare food and just look at it and put it in the fridge. She didn't eat it! She was unattractively extremely skinny and had awful teeth. I digress. I thought I'd share something important to me and brought out a tray of about fifty plastic knights I had painted. She giggled! She failed the most important test! For her toy soldiers were for little boys. Admittedly, her teeth didn't help. Needless to say, I didn't stick around.

  Other lady friends actually exclaimed in delight at my creative energy. Interpret that how you like! What I have noticed is that the more intelligent someone is the more likely that person will express an interest in my hobby. It is kind of an intelligence test. The less intelligent lack knowledge or appreciation of the skill and imagination involved.

  Ever noticed the reaction of the op shop lady when you tell her that bag of soldiers or assorted sf toys is for yourself? I usually give a brief lecture to put the stunned mullet right. 

Of course, I am not helping the cause when I buy stuff for my fantasy army. Recently, I bought some more Halloween stuff, including a large skeleton unicorn and a skeleton scorpion. Yeah, I know, scorpions have exoskeletons, but this is a FANTASY scorpion, right? So, I moved the seven-inch scorpion along the conveyor belt and told the woman to 'look out!' She saw the big bone pincers approaching her hand and yelled in fright. I had a good laugh, and she appreciated the joke, probably the highlight of her day (and maybe mine!) She had the last laugh, though, when I tried to scan my Woolies reward card on the credit card scanner. 

  So, then I explained I was going to use them in my fantasy wargames and probably put skeleton or vampire riders on them. I knew darn well she probably didn't know what I was talking about, and she said, 'Some people never grow up!' I retorted (gently, mind you, as she was pleasant enough) that it was a sign of creativity and imagination. She KIND OF got it. But I just treated the conversation as an intellectual entertainment, kind of like Jane Goodall studying reactions in chimpanzees.

 Then there are the actively hostile types: many years ago, the 80s, I think, I walked into Myers Chadstone toy section and asked if they had toy soldiers. The very young woman remarked that they did not sell 'war toys'. I forget what I exactly said, except that whilst I avoided profanity it was not friendly! Even worse are those who believe their political sensibilities have been affronted. These are the kind of people I actively go to war with. A few decades ago, as a teacher, I placed a toy soldier display in a library cabinet. Some humorless woman, with short hair and large glasses (you know the type) approached me and said, 'Do you know what day it is'. 

Wednesday?' I ventured.

 'It is the International Day of Peace,' or some similar guff.

I replied that, 'I didn't care less!' (or something a bit more vulgar). She walked off in defeated frustration. I felt a surge of dopamine and wore a smile the rest of the day.

  Getting back to the bloke in the picture. Honestly, there are other things in life besides toy soldiers. Yes, really. However, I say never be ashamed of one's hobby. Celebrate it, boast about it. On the other hand, if people's eyes glaze over switch to another topic!